So, I learned about myself recently that I have a tendency to receive my personal “aha” moments after I filter conversations, experiences and life through my “wordy wall of defense”, or as my nephew says “all the big words”. I came to this conclusion after talking with my business partners about goals and vision boards. I had been working on my vision board since December 2013 and felt really proud of the diagram I had created as a road map for the visuals I planned to artfully arrange with help from the nice, big stack of “lady magazines” I found around my mom’s house. My goals included dating more and opening myself up to the possibility of a relationship. “L-O-V-E” written in big red Sharpie marker.
In the fun and excitement of my friend’s Vision Board party; strategically named “Zenith of Intentional Design”, I immediately saw a huge, glaring reason why my vision board wasn’t going to look like anyone else’s and why my approach to meet these goals had failed in the past.
Misappropriation of attributes (yes, more big words but needed to proved my point) – In life, we are taught there are right ways and wrong ways to say things in every given situation. Learning your personal script for business success means perfecting that elevator script, mastering body language that says ‘trust me, buy my products or I have the solutions you need!’ and executing your strategy through hard work. In relationships, we learn how to follow the emotional and verbal cues of our partners or potential partners, master body language interpretation and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Here’s where I failed: I was giving the wrong speech to the wrong people. The bravado, confidence and image I was presenting to potential suitors would have been way (waaaaaay!) more successful in my business life than in my love life. While I could look back on my work life and see joyous successes and dismal failures and adapt how to replicate success and learn from failure, I couldn’t apply that strategy to dating and relationships.
The lesson I learned from all of this self-reflection is that I was wrong. A man who is interested in you likely doesn’t care how you can make his work life better-at least not until he sees you as a supportive partner; he wants to know how you will make his home life better. So for 2014, presenting the right Ebony for the right audience is my goal/vision for success.
This post may not sit well with my single, independent girlfriends, but I’m pretty confident that I will get a nod of understanding from my married girlfriends. Hope my epiphany helps someone. More posts on my Vision Board journey are coming soon.